With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
