My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
