We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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