I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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