It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
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Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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