it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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