She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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