I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
