I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Apparently you make a good broom.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
