Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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