I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
