Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just want to make out with him forever
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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