Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
