So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
