If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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