just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
