Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
