you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
