I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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