You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
