Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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