They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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