Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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