First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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