oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
