Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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