New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
