Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
