it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
