we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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