just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
