she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
