That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
