is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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