I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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