i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
