He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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