i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
