I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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