I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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