There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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