Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
