what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
