When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
