I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
