I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
