Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
