is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
