My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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