I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
