If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What drink are we having for lunch?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
