First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
