So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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