I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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