You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
