i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You left your phone here
Wait...
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