He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
