I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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