it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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