their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
