omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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