I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
