yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
