I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
