HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
