so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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