I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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