His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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