So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
