I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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