So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm both gender and math confused
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
