I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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