Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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