i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
